Apartment 4A
by sugarhype
Summary: Jack, Wonka, Sweeney, Ichabod, Edward, Morton, and myself all share the fourth floor of the building on Cherry Street. Chaos, romance, drunken crying, fistfights, parties, barbequing of personal effects, and making fun of bad movies ensue!
1. Poofand there they were!

Apartment 4A

By: sugarhype

Summary: Jack, Wonka, Sweeney, Ichabod, Edward, Morton, and myself all share the fourth floor of the building on Cherry Street. Chaos, romance, drunken crying, fistfights, parties, barbequing of personal effects, and making fun of bad movies ensue!

Author's note: I swore to myself I wouldn't post anything else until my pirates fanfic was complete, but hey, writer's block and all. Now, on with the show!

Jack was unsure of what to make of the building on the corner. It was a nondescript stone building with seven stories. He looked at the piece of paper that had appeared in his pocket when he woke up in the alley. It matched the address on the mailbox, and told him to go to 'Apartment 4A'. "What the bloody hell is an 'Apartment 4A'??" he wondered aloud, eliciting stares from the people on the street.

"Well, gosh-darnit!" An over-eager voice approached the sullen pirate from behind. Jack whirled around, drawing his pistol.

"Now, now, Jack, there's no need for guns." A new voice, female, said. Jack spun around to face a short girl about 16 or so with bright blue hair that was about shoulder-length. "Put it away or I'll sic Eddie and Todd on you." She showed no fear for the gun that was now pointed in the general direction of her head.

"Who're you? How'd you know my name?" Jack asked as the owner of the over-eager voice stepped around him.

"Why, Hello little girl! Would you like some chocolate?" The over-eager voice belonged to a man about Jack's height, with a funny haircut and a purple overcoat.

"Hello, Wonka. I'll have some chocolate later, but until then, would you help me get our new acquaintance inside? He's creating a not-my-problem field and I don't want to let all this wonderful new manic panic on my head go to waste." The girl gestured to the apartment building on the corner.

Wonka gave an over-cheerful nod, and they each grabbed one of Jack's arms and dragged him inside the building.

Sweeney Todd was asleep when Edward picked his lock. The blue-haired girl snuck in around the scissor-handed man and snatched the silver razors from the table they had been sat upon.

"Thanks, Ed. Now go help me get Jack's room open." She whispered as she re-locked the door and shut it. The duo snuck to the other end of the hallway, and Edward quickly picked the lock. The girl snuck around the sleeping pirate, and quickly took his sword from it's sheath and the pistol from it's holster. She carried the weapons back to her office downstairs with Ed trailing behind.

"Now, Ed, I trust you to never listen to anyone but me if they tell you to break in here, right?" she asked as she locked the weapons in a drawer.

Edward nodded. He had been awoken from a happy dream (where his father was still alive and he had hands) by the girl. She said she would give him some candy if he helped her out.

"You and I are the only two in the whole building that know where all this stuff is, I want you to never ever tell anyone where these things are, not even Wonka. Okay?" She locked the drawer and the two began the climb up the stairs to the fourth floor.

The next morning, Wonka was awoken by two distinct male voices on either side of his apartment shrieking in fury. The blue haired-girl had introduced herself as Jessica, and given him this place to stay as part of (as she put it) a 'social experiment'.

Almost simultaneously, two doors were flung open with loud CRACKs and two sets of feet stomped from one end of the long hallway to the other. Wonka tried to go back to sleep (he was having a particularly good dream about new candy ideas) but found that he couldn't.

"Well, gosh darnit!" he exclaimed to himself. He got up and went to see what the commotion was.

The noise was Jack and Sweeney. They were shouting and pounding on Miss Jessica's door shouting over each other about theft and such. After a few more moments of fruitless banging, they both resigned themselves to sitting slumped on the floor muttering incomprehensibly.

A few minutes later, Miss Jessica came from the stairwell; her hair now dyed a blinding shade of red and carrying two cardboard cup holders with drinks in them.

"Lessee, Jack gets tea, Wonka gets hot chocolate, Todd gets tea, Eddie gets decaf, I get three cans of AMP." She muttered to herself. Then she realized who was standing in front of her. "Oh, hello, boys. Today we get some more guests is and I thought you all needed something to wake you up, but seeing as three out of the four of you are already awake, here you go anyways." She passed out the drinks and unlocked her door, then Jack grabbed her arm.

"Where did ye put me bloody weapons?" He asked threateningly.

"I'm not telling. Drink your tea. It might do you some good." She pulled her arm out of Jack's grasp with more force than was expected from a sixteen-year-old girl and entered her apartment, locking the door behind her.

"Damn." Then Jack got an idea. "Todd, I gots me an idea on how to get our effects back."

"Well, what is it?" Todd stared at the grungy pirate.

Jack leaned in and whispered his idea to the demonic barber. All the while, Wonka just stared at the two, mostly confused. Then it seemed that Jack realized that his and Todd's deliberations were being watched. The two men stared at Wonka murderously, which sent the candy maker running for his rooms before either the pirate or the barber could do anything.

At 12 noon on the dot, two new men were ushered up the stairs and thrown into respective rooms somewhat unceremoniously. One was wearing a ratty bathrobe and had messy hair, while the other Jack decided to avoid at all costs, he looked like a constable or something else that could try to get him into trouble.

At 12:30, Jack put his plan into effect.

At 1:00 everyone was standing on the roof of the building. Jack was opposite of Jessica, who had now dyed her pair pink and was dressed up like a Lolita.

"Do you honestly expect to beat me wearing that? It's no practicality at all."

"I wanted to go for a humiliating defeat. If you can be beaten by an anthromorphobic cupcake like myself, it's going to be effing hilarious. Either way, this is so going on YouTube." She assumed a stance and continued "If you can beat me in a hand-to-hand fight, I'll give back any weapons I may or may not have taken away from anyone. If I win, guess who has to undergo the ultimate torture? You get to be my bag-carrier at the mall!" She laughed evilly and motioned to Wonka to begin filming. "Ready?"

Jack didn't respond, he just ran at the girl. She side stepped him and delivered a forceful kick to his back, which sent the pirate reeling. _Girls her size shouldn't be that strong!_ He thought _Alright, I'm done fighting fair._

~to be continued~

(A/N: Who will win? Even I don't know. And FYI: Lolita is a manner of dress that makes the wearer look like a cupcake with legs. For a more detailed description, go to wikipedia and look up 'Lolita' or 'Elegant Gothic Lolita'. Peace!)


	2. Crazy fangirl cosplaying

Apartment 4A

By: sugarhype

Jack ran at Jessica again, and delivered a swift roundhouse kick to her stomach. She doubled over in pain, and Jack backed off to see what she would do. She held her stomach for a moment, then ran at him and tornado-kicked him in the side of his head before he could react. Jack shook the stars out of his eyes in time to see her running at him again, and managed to block the punch to his jaw.

This continued on for a few moments, then Jack grabbed her foot mid-kick, and flipped her onto her back. "Tah."

"Urg. Fine, you win Jack." She said. "I'll give you back your weapons and Todd's razors. Wonka! Shut off the camera."

After the return of various weaponry, Todd retreated into his room to (as Jessica put it) 'molest his razors'. Jack went off to make sure that his affects were unharmed, and the rest of the Depps were lounging in the building's lobby. Jessica appeared wearing a black and red harlequin-esque outfit and white makeup. She was holding a red and black jester's hat and black domino mask.

"Harley Quinn." Morton popped up out of nowhere.

"Three cheers for the genius. Now, doctor Merlin, tell me why." She put on the mask and hat.

"Uhh…"

"I give you five minutes to guess, because by then, he'll be here already."

After a couple minutes, Morton got bored trying to figure Jessica's riddle and went to go buy some corn on the cob. He wasn't looking when he went out the door and ran right into…_ The Joker???_

"LARZ!!" Jessica squealed and tackled the Ledger-esque Joker.

"ACK!" He went down under the 120 pounds of hyper. "Not good, not good, not good!"

"SQUEEEEEEEEE! I love it! How long did it take you to get it right?" She had pretty much glued herself to the cosplayer and it was obvious she wasn't letting go in the near future.

"Jessie…" He dragged himself off the ground, looking at the Depps.

"Yes, puddin'?"

"Please tell me what you're doing with these guys is legal." He took a look at Edward and took a quick step back. "Last time you did this the guys all tried to take over the city and we both know how _that_ turned out."

"I checked every rule in the state before summoning up Eddie, and I did him first because he's so nonviolent. Then I tried Todd, and waited a few days to see how that worked out. One crazy and one sane with each try, just to balance things out. Honestly, Larz, I had no idea that the holding cells did that if you threw that many Jokers against it." She pulled herself off him and planted a kiss on his cheek. "But you're sweet for worrying."

Jack had just appeared at the foot of the stairs, looking more than a little confused. "What the bloody hell's going on?"

"Arg, I oughta at least introduce you to the guys. Depps, this is Larz, my boyfriend. Larz, the guys- Jack, Eddie, Wonka, Morton, Ichabod, and Todd's upstairs. Try not to kill each other before the Con is over."

"What con?" Wonka asked.

"Mini-con, the local Anime/Manga/Gaming/Sci-fi/Whatever convention." She put Larz in a headlock and preceded to noogie him. "Small town like this gets only one good con a year, so me and Lazer here go every day it's in town. And guess what? You all are coming with me!"

(A/N: Yep, I'm dragging the Depps off to a con! What wacky hijinks will ensue? All I can say is that there will be glomping, pocky, and your typical rabid-fangirl-meets-fandoms--con. R&R and there will be more funness!)


End file.
